Deadlines, Sweet chai and the Not knowing - 9/21

Oh gosh... I almost forgot to write today.. I thought of it this morning, this afternoon and again early evening and STILL I nearly didn't get to it!!!  Memory issues are a bit of thing of late!  I was given this 'key' by a lovely lady from my Cosmic Cowgirl community, she meditated on a bunch of keys she had and asked for the right one I needed. (yes... I'll have to go into that some time won't I) 

So today... I've been in that daunting/challenging/irksome/teetering on the brink of relief stage of trying to pull some paintings into COMPLETION... where my inner critic, perfectionist, free spirited-artiste and tired self all vie for my attention and buffer me about like a mini tornado.  It's seriously full-on inside my head when I'm 'trying' to finish for a 'deadline'.  I'm not sure that will ever change or improve... but I'm willing to give it a red hot go... to retrain myself.... here's what I did today when I was just getting overrrrr it ... (besides taking a blurry photo of my tea and journal)

I went and boiled up some hari chai & water, added some ginger... little spoon of suger (out of honey) and some soy milk once it had boiled enough.  And brought a teapot back to the studio and got my trusty 'you-can-write-anything-in-here' journal.. (based on the concept of morning pages by Julie Cameron.. I really don't get around to those much at all...) so i just grab my A5 notebook whenever i need to empty out the over-thinking thoughts and get a bit of relief from holding them all inside my head.  Want to hear some messages from my Muse... this is quite private.. and she wrote in red.. which kindof reminds me of the red thread... so I liked that ...

Sweet Chai my love, Sweet chai...
Troubled thoughts, fretting about paintings that are from your heart going out on display. 
Cherish not the desire to know all of the answers 
... if you find peace & acceptance inside the not knowing, 
what freedom awaits you.
If you let go of the (desire)? need, to control, it will feel lighter, 
the burden the all consuming burden of that pressure that 
feels like fingers pressed against the temples on either side of your head. 
Choose another way dear heart ... get back in the boat ... down stream remember! ...
What's all your resistance about?
Why are you struggling when there are miracles afoot!!
Bali... in 14 Days!!

True fact.  That's what I wrote, stream of consciousness once I sat with my tea in hand.. and picked up the red pen. I then just vented whatever, whatever after that with purple pen haha.. and felt somewhat relieved for the time being.  Did I go back and 'complete' those paintings.. NOPE... I had to dash off and pick up my daughter, run some errands, cook dinner.. and then watch Good Wife with P.  ... So.. tomorrow.. I get to do it all again.
But I can be more mindful.. and re-read the little note from my Muse.. she's right you know.. I loved a saying once that said "Everything you want is downstream" (Esther Hicks) .. I know for the doubters that just sounds like total bonkers... but I'm a dreamy optimist... I love how that sounds.


bye for now,


love Denise xo