Last night I got to thinking about 'the underbelly' the things in my past/dna/experience that could or would be classified as the dark stuff, or painful or shadow stuff. And I wondered about sharing that here.. and you know... I decided, why not. I don't have to go into specifics for people to resonate or recognise these same things may have crossed their path too.. and to notice it doesn't have to be the whole story. A brief list .. growing up in a home with an alcoholic father, which fed into domestic violence, my sister brutally murdered when she was 41 - June '97, depression, mental illness in varying degrees in my family, 9 years in a cult-like church, ... all the 'usual suspects'. ... I thought these are some of the things women who come into my classes may have experienced... and I think it's ok for them to know I've been there too in some form or another.. either as witness to it or right in it myself.
I've just been listening to a random talk that came up on 'shuffle' (I have loooaaads of them.. so this should not come as a surprise to me) Amy Ahlers was interviewing Charlotte Kasl.. talking at one part about the 12 step AA program... and how Charlotte has developed a 16 step program.. and the one step that got to her 'I am powerless over this disease' was the very same one that I could just not cop when I tried to attend a meeting of Alanon or ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) many years ago.
ADDICTION - COMPULSION - BAD HABIT
A real gem of an idea came up in their conversation that I quickly wrote down and wanted to share.
If there is an addiction, compulsion or bad habit, something I want to overcome in some way ... What is a really good tangible action step to take to help right here and how?
One would be to list the harmful consequences; all that it's costing you, ... maybe sleep, peace of mind, and your anxiety. Then make another list of all that you have to gain from letting go of it. Because it's always hard to let go of these things. That's why Charlotte developed the empowerment model she said, because it builds up pleasure and joy and all the strengths in life because you have these to go to - people don't let go of something if there's no 'place' to go generally ... get to know the compulsive voice inside you ... what if you didn't have to get so anxious. I think painting and art journaling have become very powerful and positive 'places' for me to go in my journey.
I'm coming from a much stronger place these days.. but I have had my fair share of down times. And one thing that sprung to mind when I considered what are my addictions, compulsions or bad habits... was ... my lack of boundaries with my iPhone - fb and email checking... so I can make those lists.. What's is costing me.. and What do I have to gain from letting it go...and just start there... bringing awareness to something is well on the way to healing or solving it.
bye for now,
Books I Love
“There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.”