.. I let it sit for a while (I think I am ready to share it now) it's personal, and yet it may be anyone's story.
Apparently (based on evidence all around me) I have been ‘calling in’ this energy of Mary.. the Madonna, Black Madonna,.. the Divine Feminine.. and Goddess... what that all means for me in my life is currently a wonder in progress... but sometimes the openings to my consciousness around it bring me insights.. like this week when I was so drawn to paint a Madonna & Child/Black Madonna.
Seeing the image I’ve been painting this morning.. the Feminine.. holding the masculine with such tender love .. and the little hand around the tender part of a woman’s neck ...
A tender part in myself is touched.
Right now, I don’t believe God is a Him any more than I believe God is a Her, thanks to the head fuq, that I experienced two forms of christianity to be (catholicism and born again fundamentalism) I don’t always know exactly what to make of it all, except to say, I want none of it. So.. my paradox.. being drawn to this Mary/Madonna energy whilst rejecting the ‘container’ ie the church/religion that she was always presented to me to belong inside of.
My concept of Mother is a comfort and a deep soul truth … interestingly (or not surprisingly) the “Father” part has been really tainted .. and so... the idea of “Loving Father” and “God” in the same sentence - you may as well be speaking a foreign language to me. My head wants to tilt and I get a blankness in my understanding .. a void lives there. (thinking back to imagery of a white haired old man with a stick railing against everyone with fire and brimstone)
Perhaps this is why I gravitate towards the feminine so readily..
I TRUST the feminine.. and deeply MISTRUST the masculine...
because of my experience ... it doesn’t mean the masculine is untrustworthy it’s (just) my perception - not ‘just’ it’s a big fuqing deal. to me.
OF COURSE I DON’T FUQING TRUST THAT.
I am of the opinion that FEMININE/MATRIARCHY is not the complete answer either
.. but a balance of the two.
I can feel I have a lot of rage around this.
more time will be spent with this.